Today was a bit harder than yesterday. I knew what was coming, my body was craving sweets and carbs and any kind of comfort food. The foods on this list, they are not comfort foods. But comfort foods keep my scale from moving and I need to get my body out of the cycle of tons of junk each day. I automatically had that sinking feeling, I really wanted something tasty to eat and I knew it wasn't happening. It was almost a depressing start to my day.
Starting weight: 139.6 Down almost 2 lbs, but I think that is water weight. I tend to eat a lot of sodium, day 1 saw almost no sodium and tons of water, so I think it just helped with water weight. I'll take it though, wooohoooo for being under 140!
Started with coffee as usual. The baby was "only" up twice between midnight and 7am. This was a good night for us.
Breakfast: 1 bowl of steel cut oatmeal(1 yellow). Nothing to sweeten it. Again, whomp whomp.
Tally-1 yellow
Snack-1 pear and 1 blue of unsalted sunflower seeds. I messed up and put the seeds in the blue container, they should have gone in the orange, so I did eat a bit too much.
Tally- 1 purple and 1 blue
Lunch-I wanted a sandwich for lunch, so I used my last two yellow on 2 slices of whole wheat bread. Kind of a waste. Made a turkey sandwich, I put olive oil based mayo on it, using 2 teaspoons. I honestly don't know if that's ok, it's not on the list, but I couldn't do a dry turkey sandwich, especially as dry as whole wheat bread is.
Tally-2 yellow, 1 red
Come snack time I was feeling shaky again, so I had a decent sized snack. I had spring mix and baby spinach(1 green) with cucumber(1/2 green) with a bit of dressing(1/2 orange) and 1/2 a banana(1 purple).
Tally- 1 1/2 greens, 1/2 orange, 1 purple
For dinner, once again, my family got something else and I got my own little sad meal. I had 2 red containers left so I had 1 tilapia fillet, 2 scrambled eggs(because I didn't have time to boil them), 1 salad of mixed greens(yes, again) with blueberries on top and a bit of dressing.
Tally- 2 reds, 1 1/2 green, 1 purple, 1/2 orange
So for the end of the day, I had 1 green leftover.
My thoughts on today. Today was harder than yesterday, especially mentally. I wanted some kind of comfort food, some kind of sweets, in a bad way. I was pretty resentful over this whole plan. I really want to throw bricks at these people who tell you how wonderful a diet like this is. It's not. As you can tell, the vegetables I will eat are very limited. I haven't gotten sick of salad and spinach yet, so I haven't gotten desperate enough to branch out. Today was really hard because my husband came home with donuts. I wasn't pleased with this because he knows I'm struggling with this diet. He had them leftover from work. He even brought a Boston Cream donut home, my favorite. Not cool. Not cool at all. I got it out. I sniffed it. I let my 9 year old eat it because it was his favorite too. I stayed strong. I didn't want to, but I did. Only 19 more days.
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
21 Day Fix Day 1
I decided to start this program on Monday, a fresh week, a fresh start. I planned my meals out Sunday night. I can tell you, meal planning helps. If I don't know what I'm eating ahead of time and get hungry or my blood sugar drops, I am frantic for food and will grab anything. There is a higher chance of failure. As I've mentioned, I love food. Especially carbs and sweets. Chocolate, cookies, bread, cakes, cereal, I love it all and more. There is NONE of that in this program. They have ways you can substitute for a treat here and there but honestly, what it takes up(you consider it one of your colored containers) isn't worth it. I've seen so many people talk about this plan being so much food and that's somewhat true, but the food is not filling and so within 2 hours I'm shaky and needing desperately to eat. I have often found myself so hungry. I am an eater when bored so it could be partly that. So I will give you the run down of day 1.
Day 1: Starting Weight 141.6 lbs
Based on my calorie intake, I am supposed to eat 4 greens, 3 purples, 4 reds, 3 yellows, 1 orange and 1 blue, as well as 4 teaspoons(teaspoons are for certain good oils or nut/seed butters). The containers are small, although they aren't always as small as they seem.
I woke up dreading the day. I made my coffee(coffee is ok during this plan). I put my creamer in it. Creamer is not ok during this plan. I don't care. I need my coffee and I need my creamer in my coffee. I wanted a nice bowl of cereal but no. I settled for a piece of whole wheat bread(I despise whole wheat bread), 2 teaspoons of peanut butter and a half of a banana. It wasn't so bad.
Tally: 1 purple, 1 yellow, 1 teaspoons.
I had 1 blue container of pecan halves for snack around 9:30am. It was underwhelming but kept me ok until lunch time.
Lunch time rolled around and I had a pretty decent sugar crash. I have wonky blood sugar, I attribute this to eating so many sweets. I'm not diabetic or hypoglycemic by any means but if I go too long without eating, my body lets me know. I get shaky. On my normal diet, I don't need a snack between breakfast and lunch and only rarely do I get shaky like that by noon. Yesterday was different.
For lunch I had a salad made of baby spinach and a spring mix of lettuce, topped with 3 slices of chopped turkey(2 greens and 1/2 a red) and 1 hard boiled egg(1/2 red), as well as a red container filled with cottage cheese.
Tally: 2 reds, 2 greens
Afternoon snack was a pear, for 1 purple.
Come dinner time I was starving!! I was also angry. Withdrawals from sugar and being hangry wasn't a good combo. Add in making a separate dinner for my family(no way would my family eat like this), and I wasn't thrilled. I made and plated my kids' dinner(we did eat some of the same things, but not all) and then measured mine out. Even though I had my meal planned, measuring takes forever and when you are hungry, it really kind of sucks.
My dinner was 1 1/2 chicken breast tenderloin, baked(1 red), 1/2 a baked sweet potato(with nothing on it, no butter or cinnamon, whomp whomp), another salad of baby spinach and mixed greens(stick around and you will notice a pattern) with sliced cucumbers(2 green) and I subbed my last 2 teaspoons with a bit of homemade dressing. I can't eat salad without some kind of dressing and I can't put peanut butter on salad, so I swapped.
Tally: 1 red, 1 yellows, 2 greens(finishing greens for the day).
So after dinner I still had 1 yellow, 1 purple and 1 red left. There was part of my problem with being so hungry. I didn't eat enough during the day. I overestimated dinner, thinking the chicken would take up more room as would the sweet potato.
I was excited to have a "snack" of 1 yellow of Cheerios and 1 red of cottage cheese about an hour later. I skipped the last purple.
So my thoughts on my first day. It wasn't horrible, but I had to tell myself over and over that anyone can do anything for 21 days. There were so many times that I just wanted to eat something not so 21 Day Fix approved but each urge had to be fought at that time. So far, so good.
Day 1: Starting Weight 141.6 lbs
I woke up dreading the day. I made my coffee(coffee is ok during this plan). I put my creamer in it. Creamer is not ok during this plan. I don't care. I need my coffee and I need my creamer in my coffee. I wanted a nice bowl of cereal but no. I settled for a piece of whole wheat bread(I despise whole wheat bread), 2 teaspoons of peanut butter and a half of a banana. It wasn't so bad.
Tally: 1 purple, 1 yellow, 1 teaspoons.
I had 1 blue container of pecan halves for snack around 9:30am. It was underwhelming but kept me ok until lunch time.
Lunch time rolled around and I had a pretty decent sugar crash. I have wonky blood sugar, I attribute this to eating so many sweets. I'm not diabetic or hypoglycemic by any means but if I go too long without eating, my body lets me know. I get shaky. On my normal diet, I don't need a snack between breakfast and lunch and only rarely do I get shaky like that by noon. Yesterday was different.
For lunch I had a salad made of baby spinach and a spring mix of lettuce, topped with 3 slices of chopped turkey(2 greens and 1/2 a red) and 1 hard boiled egg(1/2 red), as well as a red container filled with cottage cheese.
Tally: 2 reds, 2 greens
Afternoon snack was a pear, for 1 purple.
Come dinner time I was starving!! I was also angry. Withdrawals from sugar and being hangry wasn't a good combo. Add in making a separate dinner for my family(no way would my family eat like this), and I wasn't thrilled. I made and plated my kids' dinner(we did eat some of the same things, but not all) and then measured mine out. Even though I had my meal planned, measuring takes forever and when you are hungry, it really kind of sucks.
My dinner was 1 1/2 chicken breast tenderloin, baked(1 red), 1/2 a baked sweet potato(with nothing on it, no butter or cinnamon, whomp whomp), another salad of baby spinach and mixed greens(stick around and you will notice a pattern) with sliced cucumbers(2 green) and I subbed my last 2 teaspoons with a bit of homemade dressing. I can't eat salad without some kind of dressing and I can't put peanut butter on salad, so I swapped.
Tally: 1 red, 1 yellows, 2 greens(finishing greens for the day).
So after dinner I still had 1 yellow, 1 purple and 1 red left. There was part of my problem with being so hungry. I didn't eat enough during the day. I overestimated dinner, thinking the chicken would take up more room as would the sweet potato.
I was excited to have a "snack" of 1 yellow of Cheerios and 1 red of cottage cheese about an hour later. I skipped the last purple.
So my thoughts on my first day. It wasn't horrible, but I had to tell myself over and over that anyone can do anything for 21 days. There were so many times that I just wanted to eat something not so 21 Day Fix approved but each urge had to be fought at that time. So far, so good.
21 Day Fix- AKA 21 Days of Sad Food
I'll start by saying I am a picky eater. Super picky. So this program is hard for me. I'll give you a brief run down. As I mentioned in another post, I don't sell this stuff. I don't ever want to sell this stuff. When looking at this plan, looking for reviews, the only ones I could really find were from Beachbody coaches. The 21 Day Fix is a Beachbody program. The people who try to sell you Beachbody(which is a company that puts out shakes and exercise videos) are called coaches. So of course all the reviews from coaches would be glowing. They want you to buy it from them. I'm not one of them. I want to give you a real review, so if you stumble upon my blog searching for reviews, hopefully it helps.
Making a Come Back 2.0
Or is it 3.0 by now? Some blogger I am. I had all kind of gusto 4 months ago when I started PiYo, on my road back to fitness. I was 6 weeks out from having baby number 4 and ready to get back on the wagon, back to running for my life. I had big plans, just like my pregnancy. I was going to be different during pregnancy. I was going to stay active and eat well. Losing weight after delivery wouldn't be hard if I didn't gain 40 lbs again. Well I got active all right and I didn't gain 40 pounds. I actively stuffed my face with Pop Tarts and I put on 50 pounds.
6 weeks after birth, I was still about 28 pounds heavier than I'd started and wanted to be at. At first PiYo went well. Then my life didn't get easier. Babies are supposed to get easier with age. Sleep more. Nap. Not want to eat around the clock. Mine didn't do this. I was blessed with my first high needs baby. Instead of exercising after the big kids went to bed, I'd start 4-5 hour nursing sessions. She liked to nurse constantly or scream. She did not take a bottle. She did not take a pacifier. My husband couldn't calm her, only I could, and only with two certain features attached to my chest. My choices were listen to her scream with my husband for 30 minutes while I exercised or give in to her protests. Some moms will say "Girl, you do you, you need this, she will be fine. Let her cry." That is not my MO as a parent. It works for some people, not so much for me. So I quickly ditched exercising. I focused on my diet, watching calories. I lost 8 lbs. Go me! But eventually that lost it's luster and I stopped counting and stopped losing.
4 months later, here I am. Still sitting 20 lbs over my goal weight. Still hiding from family pictures. I am tired. Parenting a baby can be difficult. Add 3 older kids who need everything from help with homework to help with wiping after using the potty and it's busy. Parenting a high needs baby is even harder. She doesn't like being put down. Naps run 20-30 minutes 95% of the time. She does not like being put down to play for more than 10 minutes. She sleeps poorly at night, usually up 6-8 times between 7pm and 7am. The high needs baby, the 3 older kids, working from home, well exercise didn't take a front seat. Yes, I know I would feel better doing it. Yes, I should put that time first. But when the baby is tolerating not being held, like right now, I take that time to work, a job that I need to keep to pay the bills. Baby A's reflux meds aren't going to pay for themselves!
But I can't do that anymore. Well, I can pay for reflux meds. And work. But I can't put off my health and fitness anymore. I'm not happy. I know I am far from large, but this is not a comfortable size for me. We are leaving for Disney World in 6 weeks, for our first family trip since 2012. In 2012, our 3rd child was 10 months old. I was the exact same weight I was now. I despise looking at those pictures and know I will avoid family pictures if I know I look like that.
I also know that I'm still nursing and I can't do anything drastic to drop weight. but I've got to do something between now and then. Without all the time in the world to exercise, I know I have to attack my diet. Before, I could exercise like crazy and eat all the crap food I wanted. It worked for me. I could out exercise a bad diet. Now I can't. I love food. Junk food. Processed food. Fried food. Eating healthy, especially veggies, that is a sad life for me. Some people go on and on about how wonderful real food is. It's not. In no way, shape or form will baby spinach every be as wonderful as an Oreo cookie. Anybody who tells you differently is lying to themselves, and you. Sure, the benefits of the spinach is better, but taste, the Oreo wins. And taste is important for me.
But unfortunately, my scale doesn't like taste. My body doesn't like taste. On top of my issue of weight, my immune system has gone haywire. I need a rest, but an easy enough reset to tolerate with my extreme lack of sleep and that won't affect my ability to properly feed the baby. So the 21 Day Fiz it is. In my next post, I'll tell you more about it(no, I'm not a Beachbody Coach, nor do I ever want to be one!!).
6 weeks after birth, I was still about 28 pounds heavier than I'd started and wanted to be at. At first PiYo went well. Then my life didn't get easier. Babies are supposed to get easier with age. Sleep more. Nap. Not want to eat around the clock. Mine didn't do this. I was blessed with my first high needs baby. Instead of exercising after the big kids went to bed, I'd start 4-5 hour nursing sessions. She liked to nurse constantly or scream. She did not take a bottle. She did not take a pacifier. My husband couldn't calm her, only I could, and only with two certain features attached to my chest. My choices were listen to her scream with my husband for 30 minutes while I exercised or give in to her protests. Some moms will say "Girl, you do you, you need this, she will be fine. Let her cry." That is not my MO as a parent. It works for some people, not so much for me. So I quickly ditched exercising. I focused on my diet, watching calories. I lost 8 lbs. Go me! But eventually that lost it's luster and I stopped counting and stopped losing.
4 months later, here I am. Still sitting 20 lbs over my goal weight. Still hiding from family pictures. I am tired. Parenting a baby can be difficult. Add 3 older kids who need everything from help with homework to help with wiping after using the potty and it's busy. Parenting a high needs baby is even harder. She doesn't like being put down. Naps run 20-30 minutes 95% of the time. She does not like being put down to play for more than 10 minutes. She sleeps poorly at night, usually up 6-8 times between 7pm and 7am. The high needs baby, the 3 older kids, working from home, well exercise didn't take a front seat. Yes, I know I would feel better doing it. Yes, I should put that time first. But when the baby is tolerating not being held, like right now, I take that time to work, a job that I need to keep to pay the bills. Baby A's reflux meds aren't going to pay for themselves!
But I can't do that anymore. Well, I can pay for reflux meds. And work. But I can't put off my health and fitness anymore. I'm not happy. I know I am far from large, but this is not a comfortable size for me. We are leaving for Disney World in 6 weeks, for our first family trip since 2012. In 2012, our 3rd child was 10 months old. I was the exact same weight I was now. I despise looking at those pictures and know I will avoid family pictures if I know I look like that.
I also know that I'm still nursing and I can't do anything drastic to drop weight. but I've got to do something between now and then. Without all the time in the world to exercise, I know I have to attack my diet. Before, I could exercise like crazy and eat all the crap food I wanted. It worked for me. I could out exercise a bad diet. Now I can't. I love food. Junk food. Processed food. Fried food. Eating healthy, especially veggies, that is a sad life for me. Some people go on and on about how wonderful real food is. It's not. In no way, shape or form will baby spinach every be as wonderful as an Oreo cookie. Anybody who tells you differently is lying to themselves, and you. Sure, the benefits of the spinach is better, but taste, the Oreo wins. And taste is important for me.
But unfortunately, my scale doesn't like taste. My body doesn't like taste. On top of my issue of weight, my immune system has gone haywire. I need a rest, but an easy enough reset to tolerate with my extreme lack of sleep and that won't affect my ability to properly feed the baby. So the 21 Day Fiz it is. In my next post, I'll tell you more about it(no, I'm not a Beachbody Coach, nor do I ever want to be one!!).
Monday, September 8, 2014
Starting Over
Tomorrow marks 6 weeks since the newest squishy was born. 6 weeks! It's flown by. She is becoming a responsive little person, smiling and starting to find her voice. She is still an excellent nurser and still doesn't sleep for squat, at least for longer than a 2 hour period.
As for the rest of the weight I was carrying, well it hasn't budged. I nurse often, you know, breastfeeding, the magic burner of calories. BS plain and simple. I cleaned up my eating. Way too many fruits and veggies and not enough tasty food.
Those who tell you these good for you foods can be fun and delicious, they secretly cry into their spaghetti squash. We go out to eat and I get a salad, with a light vinaigrette dressing as not to overwhelm my sad spring mix and baby spinach. No soda. No sweet tea. Just water, with a lemon if I'm feeling frisky. Tons and tons of water. 14-16 cups a day to be exact. Yet the extra weight, it sits there. I started the pregnancy at 123 lbs. I finished around 175, over 50 lbs gained. I now hover just under 150 lbs, 25 lbs up. I've been here since 10 days post birth. I just finally sucks up my pride and bought some new shorts, a size 12, since none of the 4s-8s I have here come close to fitting and I've been chilling in maternity shorts for 5 weeks. Because there was something prideful about wearing maternity shorts for months pot birth.
I haven't officially been cleared for activity yet, but close enough. I decided to ease into exercise because I don't know how my milk supply will respond. I'm hoping that with plenty of water, I won't have issues. I decided to start with PIYO, a new program that is lower intensity but builds muscle and helps with flexibility. I figure this will not just be easier on my body but will also help me build up my body for running. I've gone through injuries as a runner because of lack of core strength. My DVD set came Saturday, and I started today. Not before a few before pictures.
This might not look horrible to some people, but it's more than I am comfortable with, and it needs to go.
Now when you are the mother of 4, it's not as simple as popping in a DVD and going for it. My 3 year old is only in school 2 days a week. The newborn has to be changed and nursed and sleeping. And random household chores need to be done when I think of them, otherwise I will forget. So working out went something like this.
Feed 3 year old lunch.
Change baby. Nurse baby.
Send 3 year old to her room for quiet time. With her Kindle(electronic babysitting, don't judge). Change into workout clothes. Try several sports bras on before finding one buried deep that actually covers these massive boulders sitting on my chest. Don't forget nursing pads. I don't feel like stopping midway because I'm leaking.
Remember I need to wash our comforter, so throw it in the wash(postpartum night sweats are no joke yo).
Come downstairs and get baby to sleep in her swing.
Pop in the first DVD. It tells me I should have a yoga mat, water and a towel. Well the cat destroyed my yoga mat. Quickly add yoga mat to my Target shopping list. No time to run upstairs for a towel. Notice the 3 year old left her t-short balled on the floor. Pick it up, lay it next to my water. It'll do.
Then I pressed play. It was just an intro DVD but still a little workout. The baby slept for the entire 40+ minutes. The 3 year old, well she played in her bathroom and got into a few other things but nothing harmful, so that's a win right?
Done and done.
As for the rest of the weight I was carrying, well it hasn't budged. I nurse often, you know, breastfeeding, the magic burner of calories. BS plain and simple. I cleaned up my eating. Way too many fruits and veggies and not enough tasty food.
I haven't officially been cleared for activity yet, but close enough. I decided to ease into exercise because I don't know how my milk supply will respond. I'm hoping that with plenty of water, I won't have issues. I decided to start with PIYO, a new program that is lower intensity but builds muscle and helps with flexibility. I figure this will not just be easier on my body but will also help me build up my body for running. I've gone through injuries as a runner because of lack of core strength. My DVD set came Saturday, and I started today. Not before a few before pictures.
 |
| This is me, being not impressed |
This might not look horrible to some people, but it's more than I am comfortable with, and it needs to go.
Now when you are the mother of 4, it's not as simple as popping in a DVD and going for it. My 3 year old is only in school 2 days a week. The newborn has to be changed and nursed and sleeping. And random household chores need to be done when I think of them, otherwise I will forget. So working out went something like this.
Feed 3 year old lunch.
Change baby. Nurse baby.
Send 3 year old to her room for quiet time. With her Kindle(electronic babysitting, don't judge). Change into workout clothes. Try several sports bras on before finding one buried deep that actually covers these massive boulders sitting on my chest. Don't forget nursing pads. I don't feel like stopping midway because I'm leaking.
Remember I need to wash our comforter, so throw it in the wash(postpartum night sweats are no joke yo).
Come downstairs and get baby to sleep in her swing.
 |
| Baby sleeping, check. |
Then I pressed play. It was just an intro DVD but still a little workout. The baby slept for the entire 40+ minutes. The 3 year old, well she played in her bathroom and got into a few other things but nothing harmful, so that's a win right?
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Let's Start Over, Shall We?
If my activity on my blog is any indication of how active I was during my pregnancy, well it's no wonder I gained 50 pounds. Let's rewind a bit.
I had sworn that I would remain active during my pregnancy. And I did. Kind of. I did the Tinkerbell 10k and 1/2 marathon and the Glass Slipper Challenge, all before 20 weeks pregnant. So what did I do after 20 weeks? I ate Pop Tarts. A lot of Pop Tarts. I also ate everything else. I took full advantage of eating for two and I ate for two...small third world countries. What was supposed to be my most active and healthiest pregnancy turned out to be the largest amount of weight I've put on while carrying a child.
I was doing well, really. Here I was at 25 weeks. All belly, weight gain looking good, still thin everywhere else.
And then weight gain picked up. Big time. By 30 weeks I wasn't just all belly. I was belly, love handles, thighs and arms.
This only continued. The new baby girl ended up coming a day late(my longest pregnancy) and I was tipping the scales at well over 170 pounds, the most I have ever weighed before. All the hard work and weight loss I'd managed after my 3 year old, gone. Now, this isn't the end of the world. I grew 8lbs and 10 oz of the sweetest little girl, the perfect addition to our family.
Her birth was amazing. Thanks to the past couple of years of running and accomplishments, I learned that life outside of my comfort zone was the cool place to be and I finally got the nerve to chase after the birth I'd always wanted. I wanted a natural birth, outside of the hospital, but I was afraid to make the switch, for fear of something going wrong. After pushing through the Glass Slipper Challenge and knowing how strong I was, I took the leap and made the switch to a birth center at 21 weeks. It was an amazing decision and after just 3 hours of labor, I gave birth peacefully and naturally in the water to the most calm little pudge of a baby girl. It was my perfect birth.
Now that that perfect birth is over, here I am. 3 weeks after delivery, I am down about 25 pounds. I still have 25 pounds to lose. I am nursing so drastic diets aren't an option and I have to pay close attention to my diet, calorie intake, amount of exercise and the water I drink. There's a pretty fine line to walk, I have to maintain enough calories to keep my milk supply up but I still need to manage a net calorie loss in order to lose weight. Obviously none of this has started yet, since I'm still technically supposed to be recovering. I have cleaned up my eating. I broke up with Pop Tarts. I watch what I eat as not to take it 3000+ calories a day. I have started walking here and there, short distances. I'll increase my activity when I get the all clear from my midwife in 3 weeks.
But until then, it's back at square one. I started this blog back when I started running and losing weight the first time around. Here I am again.
I had sworn that I would remain active during my pregnancy. And I did. Kind of. I did the Tinkerbell 10k and 1/2 marathon and the Glass Slipper Challenge, all before 20 weeks pregnant. So what did I do after 20 weeks? I ate Pop Tarts. A lot of Pop Tarts. I also ate everything else. I took full advantage of eating for two and I ate for two...small third world countries. What was supposed to be my most active and healthiest pregnancy turned out to be the largest amount of weight I've put on while carrying a child.
I was doing well, really. Here I was at 25 weeks. All belly, weight gain looking good, still thin everywhere else.
Now that that perfect birth is over, here I am. 3 weeks after delivery, I am down about 25 pounds. I still have 25 pounds to lose. I am nursing so drastic diets aren't an option and I have to pay close attention to my diet, calorie intake, amount of exercise and the water I drink. There's a pretty fine line to walk, I have to maintain enough calories to keep my milk supply up but I still need to manage a net calorie loss in order to lose weight. Obviously none of this has started yet, since I'm still technically supposed to be recovering. I have cleaned up my eating. I broke up with Pop Tarts. I watch what I eat as not to take it 3000+ calories a day. I have started walking here and there, short distances. I'll increase my activity when I get the all clear from my midwife in 3 weeks.
But until then, it's back at square one. I started this blog back when I started running and losing weight the first time around. Here I am again.
The Things You Learn At the Back of the Pack
If you are looking for the condensed version of this post, check out my write up from a few months ago on the DisBroads site.
Now I'll give you the uh, less condensed version. Let me start by saying I'm not some super speedy runner. I'm not placing in my age group and I'll certainly never come close to winning anything. I'm a solid middle of the pack girl and I'm good with that, only racing against myself. I do have a desire to get better and faster. I have tried to take things easy, especially during Disney races, to have fun, but my competitive self has never let me do that, at least before getting pregnant.
So let's go back, to early last summer, when I started training for 2 back to back races in the fall, that would happen two weeks apart. During one of the first weeks of training, I met up with another local mother runner and we got to chatting. At that time, I had no inkling or desire to ever run a full marathon. I joked about doing a certain full marathon with a very large window of time to finish in, so I could do half slowly, stop and take a nap, then finish the other half. The other mother runner was practically offended.
She told me that any regular person of any size and ability can get off of the couch and walk a half or full marathon in 6-11 hours. She'd never put a 13.1 or 26.2 sticker on her vehicle if she took that long to finish. It was around this time, combined with me really sticking to my training schedule, that I started to feel the same way. I trained hard, with very early morning wake up calls, late night runs, treadmill runs, whatever I needed, to grab a PR in my next half.
Now I don't want to say I started thinking less of people who took 4+ hours to finish a half or who got swept. Their accomplishment was still note worthy. But they must have gone that slow for a reason. Did they skip out on training? What did they do wrong for it to take so long to finish. Surely they didn't work as hard as I did. I ended up with my PR at my first half in the fall and a Disney PR in my second half two weeks later. Then things came to a screeching halt.
I found out a couple of weeks after those two races that I was pregnant. I had 3 half marathons on the horizon, one in December, January and February. I planned to keep going, slow things down, but stay active and do those races. Thanks to morning sickness and having the flu, I had to skip my December half. I was heart broken but determined to finish my other races, the Tinkerbell 10k and 1/2 marathon in January and the Glass Slipper Challenge 10k/Half Marathon in February.
The Tinkerbell races were slower than normal but I stopped to have fun. We stopped for plenty of pictures, and being pregnant, I stopped for lots of potty breaks. My times were by far the worst times for a 10k and half marathon but simply because we stopped for so much fun! But I still finished with plenty of time to spare.
The Glass Slipper Challenge was a whole different ball game. If you read my recap(and if not, you can find it here), you'll know I went through a scratched cornea 4 days before the race weekend, a wicked stomach bug 2 days before the races started, all on top of being 18 weeks pregnant. To make things even worse, I strained my SI joint during the 10k and couldn't walk without massive amounts of pain, let alone run. But I set out to give the half my best shot anyway. If I was going down, I was going down swinging.
What could easily be considered my worst 1/2 marathon, with me finishing in 4:22, is actually what I consider one of my greatest accomplishments. Why? Plenty of people who didn't even bother training could probably finish in that amount of time. I've seen plenty of runners finish full marathons faster. So why was this race so full of win for me?
To start, just finishing shows how far I have come as a person. I didn't have the best life growing up and by my late teens and early twenties, I had developed a bit of a victim complex. Poor me. Nothing was my fault, I had things rough. It was always much easier to roll over and die than to push through, bust out of my comfort zone, and to actually fight for something. 10 years ago I wouldn't have even started this race. I would have told you all about how awful things were, being sick, pregnant and injured. I would have been too scared that I'd get picked up and swept from the course to even get out of bed the morning of the race. Truthfully, chances are decent I wouldn't have even registered in the first place because it all sounded so hard and I was scared. The fact that I kept going and refused to give up is the proof of how much I've grown up over the years.
Most of all, this race was important to me, not because of what it showed me about myself, but what it showed me about other people. As I mentioned growing over the years, I've also become a bit of a hard ass at the same time. I did go through a lot in my younger years. I did come out the other side a stronger person. If I can do it, why can't anyone else? I used to look at those being swept or those at the back of the pack the same way. I went from not a runner to finishing races in decent times, I trained my butt off no matter what, why couldn't anyone else? But when my situation lead me to a slow finish, it opened the door to understanding and compassion. I didn't know the stories of those at the back of pack. Were they injured? Did something awful happen during training? Did it take everything they had to just drag them self out to the course, knowing they'd probably swept? Maybe they trained, maybe they didn't. Truth is, I had no clue what their story was. I was proud of my 4:22 finish, why shouldn't anyone else be? So while I certainly didn't enter any record books, the lessons I came out of this race weekend with were priceless.
Now I'll give you the uh, less condensed version. Let me start by saying I'm not some super speedy runner. I'm not placing in my age group and I'll certainly never come close to winning anything. I'm a solid middle of the pack girl and I'm good with that, only racing against myself. I do have a desire to get better and faster. I have tried to take things easy, especially during Disney races, to have fun, but my competitive self has never let me do that, at least before getting pregnant.
So let's go back, to early last summer, when I started training for 2 back to back races in the fall, that would happen two weeks apart. During one of the first weeks of training, I met up with another local mother runner and we got to chatting. At that time, I had no inkling or desire to ever run a full marathon. I joked about doing a certain full marathon with a very large window of time to finish in, so I could do half slowly, stop and take a nap, then finish the other half. The other mother runner was practically offended.
Now I don't want to say I started thinking less of people who took 4+ hours to finish a half or who got swept. Their accomplishment was still note worthy. But they must have gone that slow for a reason. Did they skip out on training? What did they do wrong for it to take so long to finish. Surely they didn't work as hard as I did. I ended up with my PR at my first half in the fall and a Disney PR in my second half two weeks later. Then things came to a screeching halt.
The Tinkerbell races were slower than normal but I stopped to have fun. We stopped for plenty of pictures, and being pregnant, I stopped for lots of potty breaks. My times were by far the worst times for a 10k and half marathon but simply because we stopped for so much fun! But I still finished with plenty of time to spare.
The Glass Slipper Challenge was a whole different ball game. If you read my recap(and if not, you can find it here), you'll know I went through a scratched cornea 4 days before the race weekend, a wicked stomach bug 2 days before the races started, all on top of being 18 weeks pregnant. To make things even worse, I strained my SI joint during the 10k and couldn't walk without massive amounts of pain, let alone run. But I set out to give the half my best shot anyway. If I was going down, I was going down swinging.
What could easily be considered my worst 1/2 marathon, with me finishing in 4:22, is actually what I consider one of my greatest accomplishments. Why? Plenty of people who didn't even bother training could probably finish in that amount of time. I've seen plenty of runners finish full marathons faster. So why was this race so full of win for me?
To start, just finishing shows how far I have come as a person. I didn't have the best life growing up and by my late teens and early twenties, I had developed a bit of a victim complex. Poor me. Nothing was my fault, I had things rough. It was always much easier to roll over and die than to push through, bust out of my comfort zone, and to actually fight for something. 10 years ago I wouldn't have even started this race. I would have told you all about how awful things were, being sick, pregnant and injured. I would have been too scared that I'd get picked up and swept from the course to even get out of bed the morning of the race. Truthfully, chances are decent I wouldn't have even registered in the first place because it all sounded so hard and I was scared. The fact that I kept going and refused to give up is the proof of how much I've grown up over the years.
Most of all, this race was important to me, not because of what it showed me about myself, but what it showed me about other people. As I mentioned growing over the years, I've also become a bit of a hard ass at the same time. I did go through a lot in my younger years. I did come out the other side a stronger person. If I can do it, why can't anyone else? I used to look at those being swept or those at the back of the pack the same way. I went from not a runner to finishing races in decent times, I trained my butt off no matter what, why couldn't anyone else? But when my situation lead me to a slow finish, it opened the door to understanding and compassion. I didn't know the stories of those at the back of pack. Were they injured? Did something awful happen during training? Did it take everything they had to just drag them self out to the course, knowing they'd probably swept? Maybe they trained, maybe they didn't. Truth is, I had no clue what their story was. I was proud of my 4:22 finish, why shouldn't anyone else be? So while I certainly didn't enter any record books, the lessons I came out of this race weekend with were priceless.
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