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Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Making a Come Back 2.0

Or is it 3.0 by now? Some blogger I am. I had all kind of gusto 4 months ago when I started PiYo, on my road back to fitness. I was 6 weeks out from having baby number 4 and ready to get back on the wagon, back to running for my life. I had big plans, just like my pregnancy. I was going to be different during pregnancy. I was going to stay active and eat well. Losing weight after delivery wouldn't be hard if I didn't gain 40 lbs again. Well I got active all right and I didn't gain 40 pounds. I actively stuffed my face with Pop Tarts and I put on 50 pounds.

6 weeks after birth, I was still about 28  pounds heavier than I'd started and wanted to be at. At first PiYo went well. Then my life didn't get easier. Babies are supposed to get easier with age. Sleep more. Nap. Not want to eat around the clock. Mine didn't do this. I was blessed with my first high needs baby. Instead of exercising after the big kids went to bed, I'd start 4-5 hour nursing sessions. She liked to nurse constantly or scream. She did not take a bottle. She did not take a pacifier. My husband couldn't calm her, only I could, and only with two certain features attached to my chest. My choices were listen to her scream with my husband for 30 minutes while I exercised or give in to her protests. Some moms will say "Girl, you do you, you need this, she will be fine. Let her cry." That is not my MO as a parent. It works for some people, not so much for me. So I quickly ditched exercising. I focused on my diet, watching calories. I lost 8 lbs. Go me! But eventually that lost it's luster and I stopped counting and stopped losing.

4 months later, here I am. Still sitting 20 lbs over my goal weight. Still hiding from family pictures. I am tired. Parenting a baby can be difficult. Add 3 older kids who need everything from help with homework to help with wiping after using the potty and it's busy. Parenting a high needs baby is even harder. She doesn't like being put down. Naps run 20-30 minutes 95% of the time. She does not like being put down to play for more than 10 minutes. She sleeps poorly at night, usually up 6-8 times between 7pm and 7am. The high needs baby, the 3 older kids, working from home, well exercise didn't take a front seat. Yes, I know I would feel better doing it. Yes, I should put that time first. But when the baby is tolerating not being held, like right now, I take that time to work, a job that I need to keep to pay the bills. Baby A's reflux meds aren't going to pay for themselves!

But I can't do that anymore. Well, I can pay for reflux meds. And work. But I can't put off my health and fitness anymore. I'm not happy. I know I am far from large, but this is not a comfortable size for me. We are leaving for Disney World in 6 weeks, for our first family trip since 2012. In 2012, our 3rd child was 10 months old. I was the exact same weight I was now. I despise looking at those pictures and know I will avoid family pictures if I know I look like that.

I also know that I'm still nursing and I can't do anything drastic to drop weight. but I've got to do something between now and then. Without all the time in the world to exercise, I know I have to attack my diet. Before, I could exercise like crazy and eat all the crap food I wanted. It worked for me. I could out exercise a bad diet. Now I can't. I love food. Junk food. Processed food. Fried food. Eating healthy, especially veggies, that is a sad life for me. Some people go on and on about how wonderful real food is. It's not. In no way, shape or form will baby spinach every be as wonderful as an Oreo cookie. Anybody who tells you differently is lying to themselves, and you. Sure, the benefits of the spinach is better, but taste, the Oreo wins. And taste is important for me.

But unfortunately, my scale doesn't like taste. My body doesn't like taste. On top of my issue of weight, my immune system has gone haywire. I need a rest, but an easy enough reset to tolerate with my extreme lack of sleep and that won't affect my ability to properly feed the baby. So the 21 Day Fiz it is. In my next post, I'll tell you more about it(no, I'm not a Beachbody Coach, nor do I ever want to be one!!).

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